Amnesia
by Flickerflame8
Summary: A one-shot based on the idea of Buffy remembering the day in I Will Remember You. Her thoughts as she leaves Angel's office at the end of that episode.


"I'll never forget... I'll never forget... I'll never forget... I'll never forget... I'll never forget..."

Buffy's words echoed in her mind. She had kept whispering them, unsure of how she meant them: a promise, a hope or possibly a prayer. Then the situation changed, time spinning backwards. No longer were they down in Angel's apartment. Instead, they were back in the office above. No longer were her eyes screwed shut, keeping tears inside, with her face pressed against Angel's chest feeling the last beats of his heart.

She recalled him explaining that the day would be taken back, that only he would remember in order to prevent the same from happening again. And yet... she remembered. Her memories were sharp and crystal clear. She remembered seeing Angel walking out into the sunlight near the beach in Santa Monica, her fear for him turning into confusion as he didn't burn up in the light. The realisation that a moment she'd been dreaming of was truly happening. She remembered his arms wrapping around her as he kissed her. She remembered the night in his apartment. Licking molten ice cream from his skin, listening to his heart thudding and falling asleep in his arms, feeling normal and happy and perfect for a change.

She didn't know how or why she remembered all of this. Perhaps her earlier words had worked as some sort of spell. Or perhaps anyone who'd known of the reversal of time would remember, and in telling her Angel had unknowingly saved her memories. She didn't care. She just didn't know what to do with what she now remembered.

So much they'd had... so much they could have had. So many opportunities cast aside. And she knew, whatever other explanations Angel may have offered, that the main reason behind his decision had been her. He'd thrown humanity away on the gamble of being able to save her. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel about that. Grateful, perhaps? Or angry? Possibly afraid of this second prophesied death of hers?

Only one thing she did know. She couldn't let him realise that she too remembered. Moving on through this would be difficult enough alone, without sharing the burden. If she pretended long enough, maybe it'd all fade and pretence would become reality. She kept her eyes lowered; concerned that if she looked at Angel that he'd be able to see, able to tell.

"So then let's just stick to the plan... keep our distance until our time has passed. Given enough time we should be able to..."

"Forget."

Angel's response, answering for her, cut. Forget... how could she possibly forget, now? She didn't know for sure if she could continue to pretend that she had.

"Yeah...So I'm gonna go... start forgetting..."

She turned around, but before she could step through the door the sound of smashing glass caught her attention. She span back. Before she could react, Angel had disposed of the Mohra demon with almost surreal ease.

There's the chance gone, she thought. Its body had disappeared completely without leaving a trace of the healing blood behind. Again, she returned to her pretence of ignorance, questioning what it'd been and how Angel had known how to deal with it so quickly. He lied and claimed he'd only read about the demon.

Her eyes were prickling, burning. She spoke a few more words, struggling to find a way to voice her goodbyes without betraying herself, as he glanced downwards at the clock which'd been thrown from his desk in the fight. Before he looked up again she'd vanished. She'd fled before he could see the tears which were threatening her eyes.

 **Author Note**

 **This fan fiction is inspired by my initial interpretation of the ending of I Will Remember You. To me, it sounded like Buffy put some emphasis on the word forgetting and it made me think she hadn't really forgotten. I only started believing she had when the day was never mentioned again.**

 **It's intended to fit into canon events even with the change.**


End file.
